A brief summary of my story

Alexyia River's avatar

My name is Alexyia River. I am not a doctor. I am just someone with bipolar disorder. 

Denial

I knew something was different in 2006. After a lot of research, I thought it was bipolar. I've had many episodes throughout my life mainly depressive. I left it. In 2016, I was diagnosed. It was the year of my best and worst episodes. 

My highest high

I was high: euphoric; I was in the best shape of my life; I was fit; I was sexy; I loved myself; I was energised and productive. Life was great! Then bad things started happening. I was reckless and impulsive: I abused alcohol; I bought an apartment; I got a tattoo; and most regretfully of all, I got a divorce. This episode lasted over four months.

My lowest low

Crash! I suffered. I wanted to sleep to escape reality. I'd sleep my weekends away. I didn't want to live. I researched ways to die. I couldn't stop thinking about dying. I tried taking pills. I was hospitalised. Twice! One institution gave me hope and the other, well I felt like it destroyed me. It was a government institution with a terrible stigma and I felt like an inmate rather than a patient.

Disgust and despair

I hated myself. I hated the medication. I hated the medical industry. I stopped seeing my psychologist and became obsessed with the weight I had gained and felt like I couldn't cope with these extra 10kgs I had packed on top of a well defined body. I was spiralling between content and happy until I hit a low in June 2019 where my job was at risk.

Time for a healthy change

After an underactive thyroid with horrible symptoms and the risk of losing my job, I needed to change. I started a roadmap of changes to my lifestyle and I am slowly working through it. These changes include:


  • Adjust my medication: reduce the lithium to help with my thyroid, increase my antidepressants
  • Change my attitude to my medication: no more skipping days or feeling revolted by them - this psychological change stopped the nausea I had experienced
  • Improve my lifestyle: drink water, eat a balanced diet (tailored by a dietician), exercise (starting with yoga) and getting proper sleep
  • therapy: see my psychiatrist, psychologist and an NLP practitioner


This roadmap is the start to a journey of a quality life. It's the little things that lay the foundation to greatness.